BTS: Envisioning My Best Self

Pause to Envision

Not going to life, writing my envision exercise kind of made me tear up. I wrote a draft at the beginning of the semester but when I went back through it a month or so later, I wasn’t happy with it. There were bits and pieces that I liked, but it seemed so incomplete. So I started on it again and really allowed myself to slow down and get in the zone. I quite honestly felt on a high, like I really was at the peak of my existence. It fired me up thinking that the world is at my fingertips, that I really am wildly capable of achieving these things. It also allowed me to focus on the decisions I’m making right now and think about how that might affect the future me. But it also stirred something else in me, something that I had no idea that I was going to feel: gratitude. Maybe it’s because I’m a 4 on the Enneagram and an incredibly emotional and deep thinker, but I felt such an overwhelming sense of thankfulness to the people in my life that are really investing in me.

When I had that phone conversation with you (Dr. Friedman) about getting past my VOJ, you said something to me that caused me to shift my perspective in a lot of ways. I was being hard on myself (per usual) and was feeling bad for myself because I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I believe you said something about me being ahead in life simply because I have an education. You explained that I’m already light years ahead of people in other countries who don’t have the opportunity to go to school and even people in my own country that can’t afford it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love America, but sometimes I think that this excessive culture that we live in has caused me to take for granted all that I have. I sometimes think that because I didn’t have to do anything for my education, my family, or my freedom, I automatically believe I’m entitled to it. But, I couldn’t be more wrong. I don’t deserve any of this, yet I have it. And why I get to live this life when so many people would die for what I have is beyond me. The reality is that I didn’t get to choose this life that I’ve got, but I do get to choose what I do with it. Envisioning my future and reflecting on my past has allowed me to be so THANKFUL for the blessings that I take for granted every single day: family, friends, professors, education, freedom, etc.

The truth is that I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am without each of these things. Each of them deserves to be appreciated, so thank YOU.

Here is a link to doc that I wrote my envision exercise in if you'd like to see my iterations.